You love a person…
One woman came to me and she said, ”For ten years I have been married to a person and we never quarreled. And now suddenly, what happened? He has left me.”
Now, she thinks that if they never quarreled it shows they were in deep love. This is foolish – but this is Aristotelian; the woman is absolutely logical.
She said, ”For ten years we have been married. We never quarreled, we were never angry at each other.” She is saying, ”We were in such deep love that we never fought about anything. There was not even a single moment of conflict. And now, what happened? Suddenly he has left me! Has he gone mad? Our love was so deep.” She is wrong.
If love is deep then there is bound to be some quarrel. Sometimes you will fight. And the fight is not going to break the love, it enriches it. If love is there, it will be enriched by fighting; if love is not there, then you part, you separate. Ten years is a long time – even twenty-four hours is too long to be constantly in one state of mind, because mind moves to the opposite.
You love a person; sometimes you feel angry. Really, you feel angry only because you love. Sometimes you hate! Sometimes you would like to sacrifice yourself for your lover, and sometimes you would like to kill the lover. And both are you.
If you never quarreled for ten years, it means there was no love at all. It means it was not a relationship. And you were so afraid that any anger, any conflict, any slight thing could break down the whole thing. You were so afraid you never quarreled. You never believed that the love could go deeper than the quarrel, that the quarrel would be momentary and after the quarrel you would fall into each other’s arms more deeply. No, you never trusted that. That’s why you managed not to fight. And this is not something to be surprised about, that the man has left. I said, ”I am surprised that he remained with you for ten years. Why?”
-Hsin Hsin Ming: The Book of Nothing, OSHO